A year or two
of time cascading fleeting
desires, shove people to
forget what once seemed like
memorable conversations

I spent my Sabbath revering her
The sea is my church
For mine, is a serene love
quiet as a cloud
a melancholic drizzle
and it sighs with the breeze
waves curl like fingers on a guitar
A soft song for departures
and last glances, thus lingering

I have lost the will
to desire her less
so that all I could aspire to
is fidelity – a wound as a deep
as a first kiss

It is certain that
I will grow old
whispering her name

Once there was a man
who loved me like a daughter
a tragic consolation
from the woman who married another man
My resemblance beguiles him
He looks at me
he is twenty-three again then,
his heart groans
Indeed there are truths
as poignant as poems

I imagine that I inherited his tragedy
Pity, I have not the wisdom of years
only seconds which stretch to infinity
when she surrounds me
be it sea and sky and air
Is it then my fate
to love pieces of her?

My love is light so I ply
the orders of my passion
with a poem
and see to it that a Sunday
becomes as crystallized
and as unforgettable
as her

I am done with the chase
come to think of it
I’m not even a predator

I finally told myself, stop
because it is absurd
to catch you, beautiful
and because
I realized that I
am not the captor of your choice

So I ran the other way
as far as I could
but then I got ahead of myself
and lost my breath
from all the running
I wheezed
I coughed
and rolled on the ground
in stupor

I stayed down
waiting for my heart to calm
For a moment I forgot
why I ran

Silly me
For thinking
I’d be strong enough
to forget everything
even if I looked at you

So one day,
I just checked if you cared
You did, a little bit
I softened up,
weakened by your disarming
vulnerability

As it turns out
I am the prisoner
of my desires
and its warden too

With one look of your face
I remember
the chase
and how up to now
no matter how we both run
in opposite directions
I catch myself
still caught in you

Now, I want to run
without looking back

Far from
here
you
this

Whatever it once was
that I never knew

II.

Like a dream
I was told that
nothing is real
only the race of your heart
when you jolt
into consciousness

And so I made a promise
not to linger
on a dream
rather than risk
not having you in
my waking life

Love catches and drops
when it drops, it catches

____,
how do I console
your beaten up heart?

I have love to give
But…
will you take it?

Will you let me
Take you in my arms
And rock you until
Your troubles ebb away?

Will you let me

Sing to you sweetly
The songs that you like
Remind you of your youth
Back then
when you had more
strength to love

I will tame
My urges and learn to
Wait

I will give both
Gentleness
and
Passion

I will learn
To speak beyond the words
This
language of
Caring gestures

If you are wary that
I will one day leave
My fears are ten-fold

So
tell me…

How do I console
Your beaten up heart?

Shall I keep walking
Beside you
Wherever
you please?

Shall
I keep doing
the little things?

Should
I see to it…

That you arrive at the bridge

And take it from there
As I
watch you cross
To her side of the world

To the one you love the most

I understand

That there will
Always be
A limit to your love
I understand

I understand
That I may never be
Worthy
Nor
ideal

But understand
That
I can also be
Enough

And
it is enough for me
That you know this

Even if your
Heart yearns for more

At times I squirm

When your silence
On the subject of us
Is too much to bear

When you
Withdraw your hand
Too soon
Too long

Or
grow cold
Despite the
Steady warmth
That I give

I am not
Totally unfeeling

But
I try–

I try with my mind’s resolve
To understand

Tell me, ____

How do I console
Your beaten up heart?

For your sorrow
Moves me
It is a sadness
I could never know

And that
Frightens me

So I seek out
From within you
the
beauty
‘neath your
Sorrows

The
real you

Despite
all your
Secrets
– notice how

I probe
And listen without
Passing any judgment

on
you

or
her

the
truth

is just there

between the lines,
in the details
you’ve left out

While I am gifted
with this time I have with you
all I can do
is
listen

If
you
Arrive
at the point
When you have decided
That you
Will no longer see me

It is my only wish that

For
a split second
your
heart
Pounded,
Hesitated

I am not asking
That
you let me in

All I ask
Is that you answer
When I knock
And you meet me
At the door

~
March 6, 2011

The stars pour a sadistic glow
on lovers such as I
There is a curse among us
we must jest the zodiacs with our
sorry exploits, our
failed courtships, our
mismatches
For they have grown drunk
with the spoils of a
love reverie
a whisper
in the ear
a look that
moved the soul -
The helpless arrest

Insolent stars,
what shall I get from
your herculean demands?
You are motionless
and envious
and waiting to explode
and so you
prey on mortals
and live vicariously
through our immovable
lives, our impossible
dreams of love
and hopes of one day
losing the audience
of stars

I lost a lover down there

There, where castles crumbled
Its stones inching to break free
Of the mortar
They all fall to the ground and
Disintegrate into
Indiscernible pieces

I wish that for every hour
That I sleep less
I am to find
Some reprieve
In small sips of that wine called
Innocence

For all I seek is rest
Yet first I must
Destroy
Things of beauty
To prove worthy
That nothing is more important
Than emptiness right now

Empty me
Empty me
Empty me

The catapults
gripped and stretched
the tension is sure to break
but I want it pulled
harder
longer, until
shaking

I want to be killed
with a look as she
puts her hand
in my mouth
while she utters
commands
bend
kneel
come

I have no use
for hesitation
no thrill from
the timid
only pauses
when the brain
pumps too much blood
from all the surreal
ecstasy

For I want it
deeper
darker
unknown
tighter
harder
longer
shaking
kneeling
bending
coming
coming
coming
coming

To sudden death

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She once said
that sweat is filthy
yet she was proud to have ran
all those childhood years
unrelenting to the beckoning
of afternoon naptimes

She is religious with her siestas
Awaken only by the distonic chorus
of her neck
At this point her body rises,
“Let us not waste
the sunshine we have left.”

I am here with her

Her eyes light up
whenever the flowers
wake up to the sun
At times, the mornings are cool
the skies glum
casting only faint rays
the blooms escape
But you have to water them anyway
All still thirst in their sleep

In my sleep
I dream of holding you, my love
It shows in the tightness of my grip
and the frenzy of my kisses

Desire is brash
Desire is vulgar
Forgive me
if I show you
no sympathy in the sack

Time is of the essence
so why do you avert your eyes
from what is essentially timeless?
Such as love

We are here together now
but we have said our goodbyes
long before the end of summer

Yes, the kiss of summer
has the lingering sweetness
of goodbye

I watched you vanish
through that dreamy threshold
in a motionless flight
Are you now that
ominuous cloud

I am serenely lonely
a bulletless soldier
singing a lullaby to herself
“you are not alone
we are all fighting”

At home a book waits
a severance from
a world of severance

Yet upon my arrival
I could not undress